The Boys Are Not Cool
Splitting. The fundamental gestures of all illegitimate power are splits...The fundamental effect of all illegitimate power is alienation.
Why ARE Gen Z and Alpha men moving to the right? One shot in the dark is that they are angry at the loss of Default Male Privilege. But, that thesis does not jive with the patterns sociology sussed out. Major social change – race equality, sex equality – takes about three generations to really settle into a norm. Why? Some in a generation have to decide a structure of material or prestige advantage is Not OK, say women. They struggle and fight for change. The generation that thought it was aces to oppress/feel super-superior to, say, women, has to DIE Off 💀🥀. Then their influence on that belief/structure has to wane, this is the work of the generation that inherits their struggle and they usually gain wider acceptance of the principle that Women Are Humans. This generation will encounter a backlash of epic proportions. Then their kids are raised in this mixed up churn of beliefs, but most of them should grow up to think that what Grandpa believed about women was … potted.
To this cycle, we can now add a generation, maybe two. Both women and all people of color in white-majority countries – actually, any minority in any country where their minoritization is built into the economy and esteem structures, the skin color of the oppressor changes across the globe and through history – have found that three generations is too few for deep, new-norm, no more fighting that good fight type of change. What happened?
Power happened. Not a king, or just one or two billionaires with their egos too far up their bums, no. Whole networks of money and belief and influence and law and… Power. The kind Foucault was really good at thinking about when he was good at thinking.*
How did it happen? Splitting. The fundamental gestures of all illegitimate power are splits: between races, classes, sexes, etc. Pitting of one kind against another as a distraction from the Power picking your pocket of you money, time, love, desire, dreams, sense of belonging… The fundamental effect of all illegitimate power is alienation. Making you feel cut off, ineffective, weak, small, mistrustful, defensive, and stingy. Illegitimate power brings out, not always the worst but always, the smallest in people.
The Boys Are Not Cool. They have been prevented from becoming cool by Power. The power that protected Andrew Tate for so long. The power that let Joe Rogan stay in their ears. (The recording says Seth Rogan because I am an idiot sometimes!!! #LearningInPublic) The boys should, all things not being trapped in the internet, have become cool. Instead, they are angry 😡 😡 😡 at the “loss of privilege” they are experiencing. The loss of Feeling More Awesome Than Women, that is. Thing is, these boys were raised next to girls who got cool – good at sport, STEM, arts, music, space, tech, and … looking cute. They should have just come along and enjoyed the good company of their generation of cool, confident, easy-going girls.
But no. Dad’s and uncles on the internet, and the absolute deluge of (violent) pornography have told them they Deserve All Service On Demand To Both Ego And Dick. They’ve got the same message from the powerful men who lead churches. You can’t trust those girls. Those girls think you’re dumb and ugly. Those girls make more money than you do. They have a higher body count. They are going to use you for your money. They are going to date you while making money on their Only Fans. They are going to never marry you and make you babies and you have a “bloodline” to carry on (you tax accountant you, lllllllegacy!!!).
Splitting. Alienation. Pick-pocketing. All of it right there, and the boys are just kids who are trying to figure out who they are.
Still, I think it’s OK for the girls to not hook-up with, or date, or marry uncool boys and men. Uncool men are unhealthy for women. They add stress, work, and sometimes actual violence to women’s lives. The smart, rational, self-interested choice is to avoid all that.
Look, women in rich countries, most of the global North, have been nearly-free to be human for a whole 50 years. 50 out of 5000 since the Creation of Patriarchy. 1% of all of advanced cilivization! Our liberty is uneven, but the boot is mostly off our necks. And with just that much more breath in our lungs, we have lapped men as a sex. We are really good at … Everything now. And it has scared the jibbering fuck out of Default Male Power.
That’s why so much porn features choking. They are coming for our breath, our cognition, our ability to run. In addition to our vote.
*You can learn just about everything Foucault would teach you from men who did not use their theory to excuse their kinks from the Frankfurt School. Herbert Marcuse was Anglea Davis’s PhD director. 🤩
Splitting/Alienation: these are adapted from Carol Gilligan's In A Human Voice, where she explores the process of gender socialization as trauma. You can watch discussions of the book on You Tube, here's one. (Previously on my Substack, Melusine & Medb, in Oct 2024, before the US election. As a write this, I hope Trump suffers a historic, landslide, undeniable rout and salting of the MAGA earth partly so that boys and young men will get the message that they are on the wrong track. That Substack has closed. I am not a nine-irons-in-the-fire kind of mind.)
